Means To A New End
by ButterflyGirl89
Summary: This is another take of the final scenes of the episode means to an end. It is also about how Jo recovers afterwards with the help of Mac. Because the show never showed her recovery and I think it could have Strong violence in the first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**I was watching the episode 'Means To An End' and I thought up another way for it to end and the fact that no more was said about it in following episodes kinda bugged me, so I figured I'd add a little extra to it, including the scene at Amanda Tanner's apartment.**

**Summary: Jo struggles with what John Curtis puts her through at Amanda Tanner's apartment. She has to receive department mandate counselling and although it helps a little it is Mac who helps her through it in the end. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Chapter 1**

It was all happening so quick, too quick for Jo to really register. Her mouth suddenly filled with blood, blood that threated to choke her. She rolled onto her side, spitting out the metallic tasting blood. _God her mouth hurt._ The taste of blood lingered in her mouth, _or was it just still bleeding?_ It was so strong it was nauseating.

Everything moved before her eyes in a blur. She saw the light being shut out some as someone pulled the curtains together. Whoever it was, they were tall, one big silhouette of a shadow against the light. It was only as they moved closer and her vision became less blurred that she saw who it was. The second she did she felt her heart skip a beat, felt her stomach flip in nauseating panic, _John Curtis_

A hundred questions were racing through her mind: how had John Curtis got into the apartment? How did he know they were there? Had he been following her, if so for how long? Was Amanda still alive in the next room? Was he going to kill her now? How was she going to get them out of this situation, or was she about to become John Curtis' latest victim?

She saw him come towards her and quickly rolled onto her stomach, sure the son-uva-bitch was going to kick her whilst she was down. Instead he barked orders at her. "Get up! Come on, get up!" he snapped, clapping his hands showing her he meant _now_.

She pushed herself up quick as she could, her head spinning. Once on her feet she glared at him. He looked back at her and smiled, she was sure it had something to do with her bloodied nose and bruised face, his handy work. She saw him swing his arm at her but she was too slow to try to dodge the blow. His iron fist connected hard with her face, so hard it knocked her right back down to her hands and knees on the floor.

She didn't have chance to think about pushing herself back up before he grabbed hold of her jacket and pulled her up, only to shove her forward. She couldn't stop herself so she could only try to shield her face with her arms as she slammed into a long mirror. The sound of glass smashing was deafening but as she crashed back down onto the floor she fell into a world of silence, _of unconsciousness._

She wasn't sure how long after she'd fallen unconscious she woke up. She figured it was barely minutes she'd been out for. She watched as John dragged a lifeless looking Amanda into the room with them. She watched her for a second, praying she would move, _but nothing._ She looked up to see John grab her ankles and pull her across the broken glass and across the room.

He let go of her ankles and moved to stand over her. She watched with heavy eyes as he crouched over her. He grabbed hold of her head and lifted her face closer to him. She had no energy to push him away, as much as she would have liked to.

"Beg me not to kill you." he said, snarling at her, "Come on, I wanna hear you say it!"

Not about to give him the satisfaction she replied, "Never!" and spat at him, her blood spattering his face.

John just laughed and let go of her head, letting it bang down against the hard wooden floor, _like it wasn't hurting enough. _John wiped his face and stood up, still standing above her. "That'a girl! You never did know when to give up, did ya'?" he said as he pulled a gun out of the back of his trousers, _her gun._

For a moment she thought this is it, question answered _'yes he is going to kill you, Jo'. _She was momentarily happily surprised when he pulled out the magazine. He kept a hold of it but put the gun down on the coffee table beside them. She was more than confused, especially when he started flicking the bullets out at her. She began counting them, _one…_

"You' know how some experts say that sick people,"

_Two…_

"People like me," he said as he stepped away from, "You'know, that ultimately we wanna be caught." Jo tried to ignore his words and rolled over to look at Amanda who still had yet to move. She hated to think that she was the one who had got her back into a situation with John Curtis.

John sat down in a chair by Jo's feet and got comfy as he continued to talk, "That the mistakes we make are intentional…" Out came another bullet, landing right by her face as she lay on her side, listening, waiting.

_Three…_

"Or that we stray from some particular course of action because we like the risk." he continued before flicking out another two bullets.

_Four, five… _

"Those experts are morons," he said as Jo watched the bullets bounce and dance along the floor in front of her eyes. She suddenly wondered if he was going to empty the full magazine. _What were his intentions?_

"I have no intention of being caught." he told her firmly, "This was not intentional." he said as he grabbed hold of the bagged wine glass Amanda had gave her what seemed like hours ago now. He dropped it to the floor and stomped his shoe down on it, breaking it, losing her her evidence, _for what it mattered now._

"You got too close Jo!" he said to her, raising his voice.

Out came another bullet. _Six…_

"Can I call you Jo?" he asked her as the bullet bounced off the floor. It was quickly followed by another. _Seven… _"O oh! No bullets." John said as he showed Jo the empty magazine.

Jo groaned as she pushed her aching body up as much as her body would allow, she looked up at John, never taking her eyes off him as she shuffled closer to the coffee table and reached towards her gun, to her surprise he didn't try to stop her, he even encouraged her, "Come on, come on you can do it." he said as he watched her.

She wrapped her fingers around it and slumped back off the table, clutching it tightly in her hand. "There you go." She heard him say to her. She was exhausted and in pain but she pushed herself up again, propping herself up on one arm as she used her other to point the gun at him. Thinking about how much of an idiot he was.

He stood up from the chair and held his arms out to the side of him, a smirk on his face. Jo glared up at him and said, "You'know how most gun accidents happen and people end up shooting themselves..?"

"Bang!" he yelled, before slapping his hands down on his chest, "You got me. You finally got me!" he said to her.

"They always forget the one in the chamber!" she told him. Giving him just a second for her words to register and panic to flash across his face before she pulled the trigger.

The bullet slammed into him, knocking him down to the floor. Jo shuffled across the floor, offering a quick glance in his direction. She wanted to cry when she suddenly saw him push himself up from the floor. He gaze fixed on her and he was clearly pissed off.

She reached down and grabbed another bullet. With shaking hands she tried desperately to load her gun. She saw him get to his feet and take a step towards her. She'd just loaded the bullet when he kicked the gun out of her hands, sending it sliding across the shiny wooden floor.

She threw her body to the side and tried to grab it but John grabbed hold of her hair and ripped her up to her feet. She yelped in pain and could only reach up and try to pull his hand out of her hair. She swung her arm back, her elbow connecting hard with his face. He let go of her but only so he could punch her again.

She fell into the cupboard behind her, wishing she'd hit him harder, hard enough to give herself a chance. Once more he grabbed hold of her; one hand grabbed a handful of her jacket and the other a handful of her hair.

He pushed her forward, stepping right over Amanda's body. He threw Jo into the bedroom. She stumbled forward and tried to save herself on a set of drawers but instead sent everything flying off it. It landed on the floor with a loud smash and she wondered if the neighbours could hear this. _Had any of them bothered to call the police?_

Her head was spinning again, she felt dizzy and sick. She felt John grab hold of her again. She tried to swat his hands away but his grip moved to her wrists. He held her in place and brought his knee up to meet her stomach. She yelped in pain and doubled over.

He still kept a tight and painful grip on her wrists as he pushed her back. She felt the edge of the bed knock her legs from under her. She fell down on the bed and John came down right on top of her, pinning her wrists down above her head with his hands, his body pinning her body to the hard mattress.

"You' know, I thought about doing this a dozen times since you and I met, and when I saw you and that little whore come back here I actually just thought about killing you, getting you outta my life for good. Now, I'm thinking I was right with what I first thought! You may have wanted me, Jo, but you have no idea how I've wanted you. Looks like I'm gunna get what I want. It's just a shame for you that you won't."

"Get off of me you son-uva-bitch!"

John laughed and let go of her wrist so he could deliver a hard punch to her face again. Jo couldn't hold in a yelp of pain. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction but her face felt like it was ready to explode.

She felt him thrust against her and thanked God they had clothes separating their bodies. He let go of both her wrists and punched her face again. She wanted to scream in pain but her breath caught in her throat and she could only bring her hands up to her face. She could feel blood oozing from a gash beneath her eye, her blood mixing with her salty tears.

She snapped to her sense as she felt him unbutton her trousers. She tried not to panic too much and punched him in the face as hard as she could and was satisfied to hear _him_ yelp in pain for a change. He went to punch her again but she brought her knee up between his legs.

He made a choking sound as he held himself and rolled off her. She pushed herself up and dashed out of the bedroom. She ran over to where her gun lay on the floor and was about to grab it when John pulled her back, letting go of her causing her to fall to the floor.

She screamed in agony as she felt something sharp slice the palm of her hand wide open. She didn't have chance to look at the damage, she knew had been caused by the glass of the broken mirror, because John moved in to attack again. She beat him to it, kicking her leg out. It connected hard with the top of his leg and sent him tumbling backwards and onto his ass.

Jo pushed herself up with just one hand and grabbed her gun. She aimed it at John as he got to his feet and was about to pounce. She pulled the trigger hard and quick. The bullet slammed into John's chest. She watched him fall to the ground, lifeless.

With a sigh of relief she slumped back against the cupboard behind her. She turned to look at Amanda and was overwhelmed to see the young woman move. _She was alive, thank God. _Jo wanted to let unconsciousness take over her as it threatened to do so, but instead she grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket. Although it looked a little banged up it still worked. She pressed 2 on speed dial and waited.

As soon as she heard his voice she lost her own, "Mac," she whimpered, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Mac, I need you to come help me and I need you to call an ambulance." she told him, before trying to explain what had just happened.

**TBC**

**This is only going to be a few chapters but I hope anyone reading will like. Please review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone reading and who added alert and sent reviews. **

**A/N: Each week my little computer decides that a certain letter key is not going to work properly. This week it's 'V', last week it was 'B'. I've literally gotta jab the darn thing to make it work properly. I have spell checked this a half a dozen times but if there are V's missing in words here and there I apologise. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Chapter 2**

Mac's heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he drove down the street. He was breaking all speed limits but the siren wailing loudly on top of his car gave people enough warning to get the hell outta his way.

He came to a junction where a sharp left now lay waiting for him, he was going far too fast so had to slam on in order to be able to turn. His car skidded round a hundred degrees, leaving behind black skid marks. As he floored the accelerator and sped off quick as a flash, the smell of burning rubber was the only other sign he'd been there.

He couldn't remember ever driving this crazed but Jo's voice was echoing in his head. He'd been in his office when she had called him, he could still remember her exact words. He could still remember how her voice was dripping with pain, _was stained with fear._

"_Mac, I need you to come help me and I need you to call an ambulance." _His heart had begun pounding upon hearing those words that now echoed in his head_. "Why Jo, what's happened? Where are you? Are you okay?"_ He'd asked. He'd been unable to hide the panic from his own voice.

"_John Curtis, he attacked me… Mac, please," _His mind had raced with a dozen thoughts of what that monster John Curtis could have done to her. _"I had no choice Mac, I had to shoot him. He's dead."_

"_Jo, sweetheart, tell me where you are?"_ He'd asked as he'd made his way to the elevator. She told him and he'd offered to stay on the phone to her on the drive over, but she'd told him that she had to help Amanda. He kept thinking that John may not be dead, what if he was to get up and attack Jo again. The thought made him push down harder on the accelerator as he raced down the street.

He began to panic a little less when he saw two cop cars and an ambulance already parked outside Amanda's building, the ones he had ordered go there. His car screeched to a stop and he switched the engine off and jumped out in record breaking time. He had to push his way through a small crowd that had gathered. He didn't even need to flash his badge to the officer stood guard by the crime scene tape, he simply ducked underneath it.

He saw Amanda Tanner sat in the back of a police car holding her head. He saw the ambulance and ran and jumped into it. He grabbed an ice pack and slammed his fist into it, activating it. He then jumped out of the ambulance and went straight over to Amanda and gently placed the ice-pack where she was holding her hand. She offered him a small smile, _a thanks._

A minute later he turned and watched as a medic walked out of Amanda's building, he was helping Jo and Mac felt a mixture of sheer anger and sadness when he saw her. She was a beaten, bloodied mess. She too offered a very weak smile, _happy to see him._

He watched the medic walk her to the ambulance. He sat her down in the back of it and passed her an icepack for her face. He gathered some things up and Mac continued to watch as the young but skilled medic carefully cleaned her up. _Jo never took her eyes off Mac, she needed to know he was there._

As soon as the medic was done he signalled for another officer to come hold the icepack for Amanda. He then walked over to Jo, grabbing a blanket off a nearby gurney. He draped it over her shoulders and fixed it there. He noticed her looking into the crowd. He glanced over and saw who it was who she shared a quick smile with. It was clear what the silent words passed between Jo and Serena Matthews were, '_Thank you. You're welcome.'_

He finished securing the blanket around her and they both turned to watch the coroners van drive away, taking with it John Curtis. Jo turned to look at Mac, she saw the slight look of anger on his face as he continued to watch the van put more and more distance between them.

Mac kept his arm across her back and as she snuggled in closer to him he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He daren't let go of her out of fear she would be hurt again, it shocked him just how much the thought of her being hurt, or worse, scared the shit out of him. As she leant against his body, in his embrace, he couldn't help but think John Curtis was better off dead, and that after this if Jo hadn't have killed him, he would.

~0~0~0~0~

Mac opened the door to Jo's apartment for her and then held it open for her to step into. She walked through, looking around her apartment, a place that should feel safe to her, but right now nowhere but with Mac felt safe.

She'd never been the type of woman who relied on a man's presence to make her feel secure but after what had happened tonight she really didn't feel like herself at all. Ellie was at a slumber party and Tyler was out of town, and the thought that she had little choice but to be alone terrified her.

"You want me to make you a hot drink?" Mac asked her.

It was as if he were reading her mind, or hearing her thoughts. If he made a drink he would be here longer, she wondered how else she could stall his leaving. "Yeah, I kinda just wanna go take a bath. Will you still be here when I'm done?" she asked sheepishly.

Mac smiled and nodded. "Jo, I can be here for as long as you need me to be." he told her.

Jo tried to smile at him but the wince that replaced it told him that it hurt her too much to smile. "First things first." he said and gently took her hand and guided her over to the couch. "You need some aspirin."

Jo nodded, he was right. Her whole face was just a mass of pain. Mac was about to walk to the kitchen when he saw Jo try to sit down. He heard her whimper in pain and saw her clutch what he knew were broken ribs. He was sure she was going to fall forward so raced back over to her.

Jo grabbed a hold of his arm with her one hand and steadied herself. Mac placed his hands on her arms and held her until she was sturdy. "You okay?" he asked.

Jo took a second before she looked up at him and with tear filled eyes she shook her head. She quickly looked down, but suddenly noticed the angry bruises on her wrists, the bandage around her stitched hand. The sob that suddenly burst out of her shocked her more than it did Mac.

Mac didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around her. He was surprised how tight her battered body held him back. She hid her face against his neck as she cried her heart out. All Mac could do was hold her, soothingly rubbing her back. He wasn't going to tell her it was okay, he knew eventually it would be, but right now it just wasn't.

~0~0~0~0~

Jo had come out of the bathroom after her bath wrapped up in a fluffy towel with her bath robe tightly tied over it. The hot water had helped ease her aching body some. "Sit down," Mac said to her, "I'll bring you a cup of tea over."

Jo did as Mac instructed, her painkillers making it easier for her to sit down without being in a world of pain. A moment later Mac was there with a cup of tea for her. She took it from him, thanked him and took a sip. A moment later he was back with a plate with a tasty looking sandwich on it.

"Mac, that looks wonderful, but my mouth is just really sore, I don't think my jaw could handle chewing."

Mac pulled his other hand from around his back to produce a bowl of soup. Jo could only try to smile.

"The sandwich is for me." he told her as he sat down beside her and passed her the soup.

~0~0~

After they had finished the food, they just sat there. Jo had once more snuggled up to Mac who had his arm draped across her shoulders, and it hadn't been long until she had fallen fast asleep. He suddenly realised that she was shaking and then she began whimpering, clearly distressed. He could only guess she was having some sort of nightmare.

He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze and quietly tried to bring her out of her nightmare, "Jo, Jo, come on, wake up."

She didn't, she just continued to become more distressed. Mac reached up and touched her face and she jumped like he had electrocuted her. As soon as she saw it was his eyes she was looking at and not the evil eyes of the man she'd killed earlier, the one she'd been dreaming about, she settled down slightly. However, Mac could still see she was shaking wildly so he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug.

In his arms she cried herself to sleep. She slept in his arms all night, drifting in and out of disturbed dreams. A few times Mac had to wake her up and she would cry again, the day's events haunting her dreams. He'd never seen her like this and he hated that John Curtis had done this to her, hurt her like this, affected her so mentally, emotionally and physically.

As she slept he promised her he'd help her through it and get her back to the Jo he knew…_the Jo he loved._

**TBC**

**Thanks so much for reading. Hope you liked. In the next chapter Jo goes to see the department therapist, it's not gonna go well. **

**Please review if you can and let me know what you thought. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone reviewing. Sorry this has taken longer than I expected but been busy busy in work. : (**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Chapter 3**

_**Some days later**_

Jo was sat in a comfortable armchair but it was still one that she really didn't want to be in. She glanced around the room she was in. It was a very simple room. Two of the walls held huge book cases that were full from floor to ceiling of psychology books, most of which Jo had probably read.

She shifted in the chair, wincing at the discomfort it caused her body that seemed to be hurting more than when the injuries had been fresh.

"_Can I get you another glass of water?"_

Jo looked across at the woman who had spoken to her and who was now smiling at her. She then glanced down at the empty glass in her hand, she had no idea she had drank it. She shook her head and slowly leant forward and put the glass down on the glass coffee table. It was slightly annoying that the department therapist moved forward too, like Jo would fall and if she did she would be ready to catch her.

With an agitated sigh Jo sat back in the arm chair and crossed her legs. She glared at the therapist with a look that said, _go, fire your first questions._

"How are you feeling?" the younger woman asked her as if having read Jo's mind.

Jo couldn't help but scoff, _God_ she could not be bothered with this right now, but she decided to entertain the therapist anyway. "Delightful." she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She didn't mean to be rude but she_ really _was not in the mood for this.

The way the therapist smiled at her only pissed her off further. "And your injuries?" she asked.

Jo glanced down at the fresh bandage on her hand and the wound that tingled painfully beneath it. An image of how the injury happened flashed into her mind like a harsh slap across the face. She shook the image away and looked up at the therapist and said, "They're fine."

It was of course a lie. Her bruises ached, the cuts still stung and her mouth still caused her too much pain when she tried to eat, meaning she was starving as well as everything else. The therapist knew Jo's response had been a lie but pressed on with the questions. "How are you sleeping?"

Jo knew she looked like hell with black bags under her red eyes that no makeup could hide. "Like a baby." she lied again and let out an exasperated sigh. She shook her head as she seriously debated just getting up and walking out but this was mandatory. She had to be cleared by this ghastly woman before she could return to work.

"Jo, I can understand if this is hard for you to talk about…."

"What I find hard is that I killed a man in self-defence and feel like I'm being punished for it."

"Punished, because you have to talk to me?"

"YES!" Jo said, "It was me or him and I shot him to save my life and a young woman's life, a woman who had already been abused by this man in the worst possible way. There's not a doubt in my mind that he wouldn't have abused her again once he had finished whatever he was gonna do to me." Jo said looking angrily at the woman.

"And what do you think he was going to do to you?" the therapist asked casually which made her all the more infuriating.

Jo scoffed and raked her fingers through her hair. She fought back tears and turned to look at the woman opposite her. "The son-of-a-bitch was a serial rapist/ Do you really need me to spell out what he was going to do to me?"

"How did that make you feel?" the woman asked.

Jo shook her head. She'd had enough. She uncrossed her legs and stood up and began pulling on her jacket.

"If you leave now how are we supposed to talk?" the therapist asked as she sat back in her own chair.

"Email me." Jo snapped, it wasn't the best sarcastic comeback of the century but it was all she could think of.

"Jo, you've been sent here to talk to me for a reason, so please, sit down and do so."

Jo turned to face the woman, angry as a bull at the sight of a red rag. "Why? What is the point of this? You think that by me sitting here spilling my heart out to you will just magically make it better. I've seen the damage this man inflicts on woman and the way it haunts..." Jo felt burning tears threatening to fall so she bit her bottom lip and never bothered to finish what she was saying.

After a moment she rolled her eyes, shook her head, and grabbed her bag and threw it over her shoulder. She dashed out of the room, ignoring the therapist pleas for her to stay. She slammed the door shut behind her, telling her therapist that she had no intention of coming back again.

0~0~0~0~

Jo was expecting it when she heard a knock on her front door. She pulled it open and smiled sheepishly at her boss. "Feel free to shout at me if you want," she said knowing he would have been told by now about her storming out of the therapist's office, "Just please do it quietly because Ellie is asleep in bed."

Mac jut raised his eyebrows at her. Jo rolled her eyes back at him and walked across her apartment and into the kitchen, the furthest room from Ellie's. It was almost eleven o'clock and Jo knew Mac would have come from work - probably having not eaten a thing all day - just to yell at her.

She leant against the counter and held the lid of a pizza box open as Mac walked into the kitchen. "Feel free to have some, it's still warm." she said trying to lighten the mood.

"Jo, what are you playing at?" he asked her, having yet to raise his voice.

"Mac Taylor I know you too well. I bet you haven't eaten a thing all day." she replied as she pulled a plate out of the cupboard and placed two slices of pizza on it. She walked over to Mac, offering him the plate.

Once more he raised his eyebrows at her. "I'm not talking about the pizza, Jo." he said sternly.

Jo sighed and placed the plate down on the counter next to him. "The woman is insufferable, Mac. She asks such personal questions so casually that it's the most irritable thing in the world." she said as she pulled out two beers from the fridge, offering him one which to her mild surprise he accepted.

She twisted the cap off of her beer, with more difficulty than she usually had due to her injured and bandaged hand. She then took a long swig.

"Jo, it's her job to ask personal questions." Mac reminded her.

"Yeah and I don't have to answer them." Jo told him before taking another long swig of beer.

"You do if you want to return to work." he said.

"I don't get it, Mac. It's been classed a good shooting so why is it that I'm being treated as if I'm a cold blooded killer?"

"You're not, Jo. This is to help you."

"Well maybe I don't need any help, Mac."

Mac just looked at her and a deafening silence fell upon them. "Tell me how many of hours of sleep you got last night, Jo. How many times did you wake yourself up screaming or crying?" he finally asked, breaking the silence as he remembered how she had been that first night after the attack.

Jo forced her tears back and took another long swig of her beer, struggling to swallow it because of the lump in her throat.

"Jo, I don't want to upset you but I also don't want to see this thing break you down." Mac said as he placed his beer down and stepped towards her.

Jo licked her lips and lied, "Mac, I'm fine."

Mac couldn't believe this was the same Jo Danville standing in front of him. She was the first to tell people not to bottle up their emotions and her honesty was as pure as snow, yet here she was bottling up her emotions and washing them down with beer and lying to his face.

"No you're not, and until you realise that you won't be returning to work." Mac said matter-of-factly.

**TBC**

**Thanks for reading. Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and to everyone reading. I'm sorry this has taken so long to update. Hope this chapter was worth the wait. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**Chapter 4**

Jo felt like she was going to go mad, in fact she was sure she was. She paced around her small apartment with a large mug of, now cold, tea clutched in her hands. She'd been doing this all morning, only stopping to refill her mug of tea.

Every now and then she kept stopping at the window to look down upon the noisy street below her building. Hundreds of people were rushing around like scurrying ants. Some of them were clearly on their way to work. They were wearing expensive suits and carrying briefcases. She continued to watch as a delivery man and the baker unloaded a small truck of supplies just a few doors down from her building.

Just up the street the mail man was emptying a post box, even the bin men were out this morning. Everyone was working but Jo. With a frustrated growl she turned her back to the window and yelled, "Ellie, you're going to be late for school!"

Ellie came rushing out of her bedroom desperately trying to stuff some more books into her already cramped school bag. "I was trying to find my science homework. Have you seen it anywhere?"

Jo just shook her head. "No, but hurry up, Ashley and Laura are going to be waiting downstairs for you and you'll end up making them late too."

"Mom I need my homework, I don't wanna get a detention, not when I've actually done the homework!"

"Well then you should be more careful where you put things!" Jo told her sternly.

Ellie just looked at her, hurt. She shook her head and continued trying to pack her bag. Jo wandered back over to window and looked out to see Ellie's friends now stood on the street waiting for her. "They're here." she told Ellie, pulling a disgusted face as she took a swig of cold tea which she quickly spat back into her mug.

She turned and watched as Ellie pulled her bag onto her back noticing that it looked far too heavy for her. She also noticed that Ellie still wore a hurt look that made Jo suddenly feel terribly guilty.

"I'll be late home because Mr Davis _will_ give me an afterschool detention for not giving in my homework." Ellie said bitterly and made her way over to the front door.

Jo set her mug down on the coffee table and ran after Ellie, grabbing hold of her school bag to stop her from stepping out of the front door. Ellie turned round to face her, looking wounded. "I'll call Mr Davis, I'll tell him that the dog ate your homework." Jo said to her.

"We don't have a dog." Ellie reminded her.

Jo just smiled which made Ellie smile. "I'll tell him I spilled my tea on it. I'll sort it out for you. He won't give you detention and I'll search the place for it whilst I'm not doing anything."

"Thanks Mom." Ellie smiled and threw her arms around Jo. Jo held her back and kissed the top of her head.

"Go on, baby or you're gonna be late."

"Ok." Ellie said as she stood straight and smiled at Jo.

"And I'm sorry for being such a grouch." Jo said to her.

"You're only a grouch since you haven't been able to work." Ellie reminded her. "Bye, Mom." she said and then disappeared out of the front door.

Jo just scoffed, she knew Ellie was right. She wasn't sure how much longer she could go without working. She decided she needed to talk to Mac, to ask him…no beg him, to let her return to work. She rushed off to her room to get changed, the whole time praying that Mac would see sense and realise work was the only therapy she needed.

~0~0~0~0~

Mac was with Adam in his lab, looking at the young man with a look of fascination on his face. He was sure he had asked Adam a simple enough question, "_Have you got the results back yet?" _but that had been asked about five minutes ago and Adam was still rambling on about something that Mac knew was not relevant to the results or the question. Finally he had to put his hand up to silence Adam.

"So the answer is_ no_, you haven't got the results?"

Adam smiled and laughed nervously. "No, not yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I do."

"Sure you will." Mac replied with a smile.

Adam turned his head when he heard the lift doors_ ping_ open - it was a force of habit. "Hey, there's Jo. I didn't know she was coming back to work today." Adam said happily.

"She's not." Mac told him and turned on his heels and stormed towards Jo who was saying '_hi'_ to a young lab tech. Adam quickly followed after Mac, excited to see Jo.

The lab tech hurried off as Mac stepped right up to Jo. Adam stepped around Mac and threw his arms around Jo. Jo could only laugh before she could wrap her own arms around Adam who seemed intent on squashing her in a bear hug.

The hug seemed to go on and on until Jo finally had to say, "Adam, sweetie, I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry," Adam said. He instantly released her and took a step back. "I'm so glad you back -" he said but then suddenly noticed the look Mac gave him and remembered his last words, "I mean that you're here."

"Thanks, Adam." Jo smiled, already feeling so much better for just being here. She felt at home standing in the lab, and she was suddenly more than willing to get down on her knees and beg Mac to let her work.

"Adam, don't you have work to be getting on with." Mac said as he turned to face him. His tone told Adam that is wasn't a question but more of a warning to leave them.

"O…oh, e…err, y…yeah." he stuttered. "Good to see you Jo." he said before he scurried off.

Jo suddenly felt the tension in the atmosphere drop down on her, hitting her like a slap across the face. She didn't want to look up at Mac, knowing he would only be looking angrily at her, but she forced herself to do it.

"My office, NOW!" he told her.

Jo felt like a naughty child but as he took a step towards his office she began to follow, until a familiar voice called out her name. "Jo!"

She turned to see Lindsay and Danny walking towards her. She gave Mac a sorry look and then stepped towards Lindsay and both of them threw their arms around each other.

"It's good to see you." Lindsay told her.

"Thanks." Jo replied as she moved to give Danny a hug.

"It's good to have you back. The place isn't the same without you here." Danny said to her.

"Thanks, Danny." she said.

They all turned to look at Mac and saw the look on his face. He looked pissed off.

"Okay, so we're gonna carry on." Lindsay said quickly turning away from Mac's icy glare. "See you later Jo. Mac." she said as she grabbed Danny's hand and they rushed off, Danny quickly flashing a _'good luck'_ smile at Jo.

"Change of plan," Mac said to her sternly, "Let's take a walk!" he said.

He knew once it got round she was back in the lab that more people would be rushing over and queuing up to talk to her. _His_ best bet of talking to her without any interruptions was to get her out and away from the lab. He gently took hold of her elbow and led her over to the lift. He wasn't sure where they were going but he had a good idea what he wanted to say to her.

**TBC**

**This chapter is shorter than I originally planned but the next needed to be longer so I stole some of this one and put it on the next. There's lots of talking in the chapter to come and maybe even a little something else…**

**Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. **

**Please review and let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this really has taken so long to update. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just borrowing them. **

**Chapter 5**

Jo pushed her door open and stepped aside to let Mac in. He smiled his thanks and stepped into her apartment. It looked immaculate. Jo could see this in his face, "I have nothing better to do but clean all day." she explained knowingly as she stepped around him and walked through to the kitchen.

Mac followed after her, trying to ignore the slight feeling of guilt that crept up on him. He knew that he stood between her being able to come back to work, not him alone, but still he was one of the one's stopping her from doing the job she loved so much. A job she was great at. But, there was a reason Jo wasn't allowed to come back to work. She had too many demons she had to put to rest first. He'd seen first-hand the consequences of good officers and detectives returning to work after something traumatic when they weren't yet ready.

"Do you want a drink?" Jo asked him as she filled the kettle. She was dying for a cup of tea.

"A coffee would be great." he replied.

An awkward silence fell over them as Jo made the drinks. The only sounds in the kitchen was the boiling water in the kettle, the clinking of teaspoons against cups and cupboards doors opening and then banging shut. The awkwardness actually made Mac feel a little sad, things had never felt awkward between him and Jo. In fact he had never met another person who made him feel so comfortable with himself.

As she passed him his cup he noticed how she smiled so little nowadays. A few weeks ago there would have been a beaming smile on her face as she passed him a coffee, now there was nothing, just a deep sadness that lingered in her eyes.

"Let's go sit down." Jo told him as she once more stepped around him and walked away from the kitchen, the awkwardness that lingered was cutting through her like a knife.

She walked into the living room and curled up on one end of the couch and expected Mac to sit down on the chair opposite her but he actually sat down on the sofa beside her. He sat sideways, one leg tucked under the other, so they were sitting face to face.

They both took a small sip of their drinks. Nothing was said between them and after a moment the awkwardness threatened to fall over them again, Mac knew he couldn't let it happen.

"I thought you wanted to talk?" he said after what seemed like an hour of nothing but silence.

"I do, Mac." She said sounding hesitant.

"Jo, you' know if you don't want to talk to me you can talk to Flack, or Sheldon. Or there's Sid, Danny, or Lindsay, you could even speak to Adam if you wanted to. I know he'd listen. We're all her for you. We're your friends, Jo." he said.

Jo scoffed a little coldly. "Friends!" she laughed, "Then why do I feel so alone, Mac?"

Mac was a little shocked by this. He hated to thin she felt alone and he hated that he had let her feel this way. He'd let her down. He had taken for granted that she knew that the team was there for her. He made a mental note to beat himself up over this later, right now he need to let her know that she wasn't alone.

"Jo, I promise you you're not alone. I'm here to hear whatever you want to talk about, but I need you to talk to me." he stressed.

"I will talk all night if it's what I have to do before you will let me come back to work." Jo said, forcing a very small smile. _A rather pathetic attempt actually._

"Jo, I don't just want to hear you talk, I need to know if by what you're saying you're ready to come back…"

"What do you want to hear, Mac! I don't get what any of you are asking of me!" Jo said, clearly frustrated. "That damn psychiatrist wanted to know about my childhood, what on earth has that got to do with _what happened_ with John Curtis?"

"Jo, she's good at her job, you know that. You of all people know why those sorts of questions are asked." Mac said.

"I know they're not necessary! I can tell you from a professional view that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not going to go out and throw myself in front of a gun because of _what happened_."

"You keep saying _"what happened"_ say it for what it really was, Jo!" Mac snapped.

Jo just looked at him and cocked her head slightly as if she hadn't understood what he meant. Mac wanted to hear her say the words, but the longer he waited the less likely it seemed she would. He knew that deep down she knew what he wanted to hear. He stared at her, silently pleading with her to say what he wanted her to admit. He saw the tears that had built in her eyes as she turned to face away from him.

"Jo, we both know that Curtis planned to beat you… rape you… and then kill you."

His words were like a slap around the face and Jo couldn't stop the look of revulsion that washed over her face. Mac felt sick as he thought about how harsh his words had sounded, true she needed to hear them, or at least say them, but it killed him now to see her hurting like this.

He put his cup of coffee down and shuffled closer to her, he reached out to touch her but she shot to her feet and stepped around the coffee table. Mac got to his feet but remained by the couch. "Jo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you but you have to show recognition for what happened to you."

"You think I don't realise what happened that day?" Jo asked in disbelief. "Jesus Mac, the son-of-a-bitch had me pinned to a bed with his _hard on _pressing against me. You think I don't _recognise_ what he was going to do to me? He told me Mac!" she yelled at him, tears running down her cheeks.

Once more Mac moved closer to her and tried to reach out to her, he wanted so badly to hold her, to comfort her. _It truly broke his heart to see her cry and know the extent of her emotional pain._ However, Jo stepped away from him again and crossed her arms tightly across her chest.

"Jo, it is okay to feel scared to have to talk about what happened. I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like for you that day, knowing what he was going to do to you..."

"You're right, Mac! You can't imagine what it was like, you have no _fucking_ clue what it was like!" she yelled, a coldness in her voice that he had never heard before and had never dreamt her capable of.

"Jo…" he began but was quickly cut off by her.

"No, Mac… You know what I really feel?"

"What?" he asked.

"I feel guilty and selfish."

"…Because you killed John Curtis? Jo, he was a violent rapist who was going to kill you, it was self-defence."

Jo just shook her head. "I feel guilty because I stopped him before he could rape me, so that he couldn't. Rape. Me!" she said clearly, "I never stopped him in time to spare Amanda Tanner or Serena Matthews or any of his other victims from being raped. How selfish is that?"

Mac wasn't sure if he was hearing her right, so he had to have it clarified, "Jo, are you telling me that you feel guilty and selfish for having not let John Curtis rape you!"

Jo laughed at his words, it was the first time she'd heard them from anyone but her own voice from inside her head. "I guess I really am fucked up aren't I?" she said as she began to cry.

"Jo…."

"Mac, if I was just going to shoot him in the end anyway then I should have done it after he raped Serena. I knew he had done it, without a doubt but yet I let him walk away. I freed him to do it again and again!" she wept.

Mac could take the distance no longer and he walked over to her and before she could step away he flung his arms around her. He felt her try to pull back, but only slightly. He kept hold of her and just seconds later felt her shift and wrap her arms around him as she held onto him and cried.

"Jo, you stopped Curtis from ever being able to hurt anyone else. When you killed him you stopped the nightmares for Amanda and Serena and all his other victims where he came back to hurt them. You made it so that he can't hurt them again and you are the reason those women can all move on."

"Why can't I move on?" she cried desperately.

"Because you're not just dealing with the fact that you killed a man, you're also dealing with what that man intended to do." Mac said as he pulled back to look her in the eyes, "What he did to you." he added as he reached up and ran his finger softly over the bruises on her face.

_His touch felt delicious._ Jo found herself nuzzling her face against his hand and sighed. The last time a man's hands had touched her they had belonged to John Curtis, and he had only wanted to inflict pain on her. She knew that Mac only wished to take her pain away.

Before she knew what she was doing she moved her face towards his. Her lips touched his and she hesitated for just a second before she kissed him.

**TBC**

**Evil cliffhanger! IF you want to know what happens next then leave a review. **

**Thanks so much for reading. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this has taken so long to update, I never intended it to take so long. Hope you like it and thanks so much for reading and thanks to all those who have left reviews. Here's hoping they might make some sort of mention to how Jo is coping after the whole John Curtis thing in season nine. If not let's hope there's another great Jo centred story coming up. (If anyone knows any spoilers please message me, takes ages to find out anything here in the UK)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Chapter 6**

Their lips continued to touch as the last few of Jo's tears fell. Once she felt like she had cried every tear she had within her did she pull away from the kiss, but only to rest her head on Mac's shoulder as he continued to keep his arms wrapped around her. Both of them wondered about the kiss but neither dared to question it.

Only when Mac thought she had settled some did he lead her back over to the couch and sit her down. She'd laughed when he ran off and then came back with some tissues for her. He then settled down on the couch next to her and hoped she'd be ready to talk some more.

"You must think I'm such a cry baby." Jo said, able to laugh at herself.

"Not at all, I think you're someone who went through hell and has every right to cry about it." he replied.

"I never cry like this." she confessed as she wiped her tears away.

"Sometime it requires a lot more strength to show weakness than it does to remain strong." Mac said.

Jo could only smile, _he was right._ "I lost my career with the FBI because of John Curtis, then I felt like I was going to lose this job too and I think that would have destroyed me."

"Because then you wouldn't get to work at the lab anymore and get underpaid for chasing down bad guys?" Mac joked.

Jo had to laugh, "It would have killed me knowing I couldn't work with you every day…" she suddenly realised how pathetic and needy that probably sounded so quickly added, "And Lindsay, Danny, Sid, Hawkes and Flack and Adam…." she told him.

"Jo, I would have made damn sure that you not being allowed to come back to the lab weren't an option."

Jo nodded thankfully and reached over and placed her hand on his knee. "I don't think I've ever had a friend as good as you."

"Likewise." he replied before he reached up and cupped her face and used his thumb to gently brush a tear away.

Jo nuzzled her face into his palm and placed a soft kiss there. It was only meant to be a friendly gesture, appreciative of his caring about her, but the moment her lips touched his skin electricity seemed to shoot through her body. She wanted to leave her lips linger there forever but she forced herself to pull them away and she offered him a sheepish smile.

She expected him to pull his hand away from her face but instead she found him moving his face towards hers. She closed her eyes and prayed she wasn't dreaming this moment, like she had done so many times before, but then she felt his lips touch hers.

They felt soft, perfect against hers. She kissed him back and for a moment their lips seemed to do a sort of slow dance with each other, but then she felt the tip of his tongue brush against her lips and she opened her mouth to let his tongue explore. She was quickly becoming lost in the kiss. She had figured Mac would be a good kisser but this good was unbelievable.

She couldn't hold in a moan as his hand found its way onto her thigh and slowly trailed upwards, nothing too intrusive but enough to make Jo's body beg for more and completely take her breath away.

She had to pull away from the kiss before she passed out. She was suddenly feeling dizzy and felt like a schoolgirl kissing her crush, a thought that made her laugh.

"Sorry." Mac said guiltily.

"Don't be," she said and quickly placed her hand down on his so he couldn't move it away from her thigh. "It's just, I've actually wished you wold kiss me for a really long time now, and no offense but I never imagined you would be such a damn good kisser, Mac Taylor." She had to laugh at that or else she would blush like a fool.

Mac laughed with her, "Thank you." he replied, "Would you believe me if I said I felt the same way."

Jo looked at him, praying he was being serious. "Really?"

"Ever since that first day I saw you standing on the balcony I wanted to kiss you. It's been like torture some day's wanting to and not being able to." he said.

"I know what you mean."

As if to make up for all those times Jo moved in and her lips met with Mac's once more. She moved her arms up to rest around his neck and felt his arm slip around her back. She wondered if maybe he was doing it because he thought she would pull away and decide this was all a mistake. _Fat chance Mac Taylor_ she thought to herself.

She felt him tighten his hold around her back slightly and she reluctantly stopped the kiss and said to him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Mac smiled and then replied, "Good, because I never wanna lose you." he told her as he brushed a lock of her soft hair behind her ear.

Their lips came together once more and another more passionate kiss began. This time Jo couldn't resist the urge to not deepen the kiss. She took hold of Mac's hand and stood up from the couch and pulled Mac up. Mac allowed her to lead him across the living room and into her bedroom. There he stopped her.

"Jo, are you sure you want to do this?" After what she had been through he didn't want her to feel rushed into this and regret it later.

She stepped forward and placed her lips on his. She tenderly kissed him and then replied, "Mac, I want this."

Mac nodded, he wanted this too. He reached up and placed his hand on Jo's face and cupped it as they backed up until Jo moved to sit down on the end of her bed. Mac stood in front of her and gently held her face as he lovingly kissed her.

Jo wanted him closer but first she wanted to shed some of the clothing getting in their way. She pushed Mac's jacket off and grabbed hold of his shirt and gently pulled him down, falling back herself so that Mac came down on top of her, quickly supporting his weight above her.

For a moment they simply lay that way, looking up at one another, both of them thinking that they were getting just what they had wanted and that it couldn't be more perfect.

"You're so beautiful." Mac had to say to Jo as he gazed down at her.

She moved her face towards his until their lips met and began another passionate kiss.

They continued to kiss and slowly removed each other's clothes as they did so. They had no reason to rush, neither of them were going anywhere, neither of them wanted too. _What was happening right at that very moment was all they wanted._

Even after their clothes were shed they took their time, exploring each other's bodies. Mac trailed kisses from Jo's mouth and down her neck, down to her breasts which he lovingly kissed and gently caressed. He then trailed kisses down her stomach and Jo couldn't help but arch her back, his kisses alone threatened to send her over the edge.

When he moved to kiss the top of her thigh she couldn't hold in a moan, "Mac, please…" she begged, she wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer and as Mac moved and positioned himself at her opening she could feel that he was almost ready for falling over the edge with her.

Their lips met again as Mac slowly pushed into her. As their bodies became one the desire to make things happen quicker became stronger and stronger. They quickly found a rhythm and just minutes later the both reached their climax together.

Afterwards, they lay there for a moment, their bodies still joined, both of them fighting for breath. Once they had finally caught their breath Mac moved to lie next to Jo, snuggled right against her. He placed his arm over her stomach and Jo held onto it, tracing soft circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

She then turned and nuzzled her face against his. "God I love you, mac Taylor." she told him as she moved in closer to him.

"I love you too, Jo." he told her before he kissed her cheek.

_That night, wrapped in one another's arms they fell asleep. _

**~0~0~0~0~**

The next day Jo walked stepped out of the elevator and into the crime lab lobby feeling fresh as Daisy. She had never been happier to see the place. "Home sweet home." she muttered to herself before she headed towards her office. She and Mac had decided to keep their new found relationship a secret for now so had agreed it best to show up to work separately.

Still she decided after putting her bag in her office she would go find him. She turned the corner and could see her office, but she couldn't help but be a little curious to see that all the blinds were shut and that the place seemed to be in total darkness. It suddenly occurred to her how quiet the lab seemed. She then realised what was about to happen_, a surprise 'welcome back' party._

She got to her office door and slowly pushed it open. She reached into the room and as she flicked the light switch prepared herself for the _"Surprise!"_

However, as the lights came on she didn't know whether to be a little revealed or totally disappointed to see nothing but an empty office. But just a second later she almost jumped a mile out of her skin when a choir of voices suddenly yelled _"Surprise!" _from behind her.

She had to put her hand on her heart to stop the thing from feeling like it wanted to jump up into her throat. She could only laugh to see her friends standing behind her. Adam was holding a large chocolate cake with candles on it. Written on it was _"Welcome back, Jo."_

"Blow out the candles!" Lindsay said excitedly.

Jo did so and everyone cheered to it. She wasted no time in giving them all a hug. Mac's hug lingered a little longer as he whispered into her ear, "The place just wasn't the same without you."

Jo pulled away from the hug and could only smile at him. _God she loved everything about him._

**~0~0~0~0~**

Jo and Lindsay's office had been used as a space to cut the cake and eat it and toast to Jo being back. As she watched her friends toast, with sparkling grape juice, she had to smile. She truly couldn't be happier to be back. She felt like she had been torn away from her family not being able to be here, and now she had them back and she never planned to let them go.

She turned to face Mac and smiled like a fool to find him watching her, his smile as wide as hers. Mac was someone she certainly never planned to let go, not now she finally had him._ For Jo, life was suddenly perfect._

**The End**

**Thanks again. Hope this made a good ending. I know that it doesn't really follow on with events in the show as not long after this episode Mac meets Christine (worst idea ever CSI: NY writers), but I would have preferred to see something like a relationship between them come from this storyline.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think. **

_**For anyone who like's Jo centred stories please check out my newest CSI: NY fic, Journey to Nowhere, in which Jo finds herself carjacked by a dangerous criminal.**_


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